


Fuck If I Know

by Pumpkin_Spice_Weed



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Crossdressing, Gay, Leo's just a sassy lost child, M/M, Main char is an assassin, More tags to be added, Other, Romance, a lot of it, fuck what else, idk - Freeform, in fact they're all assasssins, it's really gay, literally the main character never wears mens clothes, or at least criminals, uhhhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 23:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14628966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pumpkin_Spice_Weed/pseuds/Pumpkin_Spice_Weed
Summary: A bunch of short prompt responses centered around two of my characters, tags will be added as prompts are ig.Posted simultaneously to https://www.wattpad.com/story/142776545-prompts





	1. Oh, Sweetie

**Author's Note:**

> Where we meet our heros, and learn how much of an actual shit Ash is. 621 words.

"You don't strike me as a professional criminal," the man jeered, even as he was tied tight to his dining room chair. A killer grin flashed in the dark and the clicking of heels sauntered into his blind spot.

"Whyever not, dear?" A silky sweet voice simpered, lipstick lips and warm puffs of breath teasing his ear. The man flinched, and for good reason. A gun cocked in his other ear, effectively trapping him between two evils.

"You're too, too girly. No, no one will ever take you, uh, seriously," he said, beginning to sweat and stammer now. That gun was loaded. The cute little prostitute wasn't role-playing anymore, instead taking it too far. He was going to die tonight.

Said prostitute smirked, and the deadly click of stolen heels resumed. He lifted his skirts and set himself into the victim's lap, and adjusted the fabric so it wasn't torn or wrinkled. Yet he handled the gun as if it were a toy, with seemingly no regard of safety. With a Cheshire grin, he focused back on the man in the chair. 

"Oh, sweetie. That's what makes me so good at it." He simpered, wrapping his arms loosely around the upstanding businessman's neck. "No one ever expects the fag in lipstick to be a cold blooded killer." As if to prove his point, he kissed the man's cheek as he put the barrel of the gun in his mouth. The man's eyes went wide now and the pleas and thrashing started in earnest. The killer sighed.

"Pitiful." He pulled the trigger. He ruined the hardwood floors with brains, blood, and bone. He smiled and got off the man's lap. The wife would be home tomorrow morning. The kids should stay with their friends until school ended on Monday. He had all the time in the world to tidy up.

Blood dribbled down the man's forehead and to his face as his killer climbed gracefully off his lap, taking the silencer he had brought with him off the pistol. It wasn't his but the man's, Jason Bordeaux. Poor bastard. But his death was no longer the assassin's concern, just making sure any glove prints he had left behind were wiped down and that the pistol was covered in Jason's prints as if he had shot himself. He clearly hadn't, but it was good to do anyways. Confuse the pigs.

He did a small bit more housekeeping, washing his wine glass and then shattering it and throwing it away in the outside dumpster, wiping the lipstick kiss off in case he'd left a bit of himself behind but still replacing it with a stamp. He hadn't kissed the gross fucker just for the fun of it, it was called dramatic effect. He did a sweep for any abandoned genetic material and found none, Jason steadily bleeding out in the space between the kitchen table and the living room. He had left none, good.

The clutch purse he'd abandoned on the island counter started to vibrate and ring. He clicked his way over and dug the burner phone out. "You done yet?"

"Yeah. Killed him good," he smiled into the phone, grabbing his clutch and snapping it shut. "He was such a fucking pussy, saying I wouldn't be taken seriously 'cause I look like a girl."

"Hey, Ash, language," his handler scolded, making Ash scoff as he sauntered past the dead body and to the front door.

"I just earned myself a new dress and dinner at the Farmhouse on top of this month's rent and expenses. I can cuss as much as I want you goddamn fascist."

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. This  _was_  what Phoenix had signed up for.


	2. Just Take The Damn DayQuil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, 232 words

"Sorry, I have a clingy and feverish assassin on my lap. I'll call you back when I've convinced him a cold doesn't mean he's dying," Phoenix murmured into the phone, voice dead as he stroked Ash's hair gently. "Mhm. Big baby gets the sniffles and he's out of commission for a week. I should give him a shot of Dayquil and send him out on the mission anyways."

"Heyyyy!" Ash whined, a tissue stuck up his stuffy nose. "That's so mean Phoe. I AM dying. I'm gonna sneeze my brains out."

"No, you are not you bitch baby. Honestly, you can get shot and keep going but a cold? Schoolgirls are tougher than you," Phoenix scoffed, and then laughed at something heard over the phone. "Bella agrees with me. She says that they need you for this."

Ash huffed and flopped dramatically over to his other side, now facing his boyfriend and handler's stomach. "She didn't say that when she was dangling off of the roof of that bank now did she? But now we have to kill this pansy politician and it's 'Oh Ash! Come saaaave me!'" He imitated, doing a horrible impression of his friend on purpose. Phoenix scoffed.

"You're our killer baby. Bella is our thief. You guys have your own skills, and they need you out there," he gently brushed the bridge of Ash's nose and up between his eyebrows to calm him. "Take some medicine and do this, and then you can come home and bitch all you like."

Ash closed his eyes and sighed. "Will you keep doing that when I get back?"

"If you don't set off any security measures."

Ash smirked and Phoenix knew he had him. "They don't call me Nightshade for nothing. Help me up?"

"If you can assassinate a politician you can get up yourself. We'll be there in 20 Bella. Yeah. Just need to suit up and force feed him Dayquil."


End file.
